Yup! Guys, I want a castle...
The Fake Boyfriends AU


The first time is no way deliberate.  

It’s Jonny’s turn to go to the bar but when he stands up he stumbles a little and lands face first in Kelly-Rae’s cleavage.  Cue epic blushing and apologising and hooting.

“Not a nice way to treat your girl, man,” the guy at the counter says, evil-eyeing the fuck out of Jonny.  “Groping her all up in public like that.  Not cool.”

Jonny’s got evil eyes of his own.  “I fell,” he snaps, before making his first trip back to the table with Kelly-Rae’s extra large vodka.  He has to go back again because none of these losers will help him.  “Also, she’s not my girl,” he says.

“No?” the guy says hopefully.  “Hey, do you think you could introduce us then?”

“I guess,” Jonny shrugs, lifting his beer to his mouth.

“Um,” the guy says.  “You mightn’t want to drink that.”

Jonny gets a new beer, Kelly-Rae gets a new boyfriend and the Puckers get a new member.

“Duncan got jealous,” Kelly-Rae coos the following week.  “He thought Jonny was my boy.”

It’s really not that funny.

“It really is,” Kaner snorts.  “When’s the last time you scored a hot blonde?”

When indeed.


This leads to the second time.

“Hey,” Leddy hisses, shifting over Kaner to squash in beside Jonny.  “Do me a favour, yeah?  Snuggle into me a little.”

“Why?” Jonny groans.

“Coz it worked for Kelly-Rae, didn’t it?  That dude over there is seriously cute and he hasn’t noticed me all night.   I’ve seen him here before, think his name is Moron.”

“Well that would be apt,” Jonny drawls.

Kaner giggles around the straw in his Blue Hawaii.  “Oh, just feel the man up, Jonny,” he says.

Jonny very reluctantly rests his hand on Leddy’s thigh, and an hour later Leds is giving the table a manic thumbs up as he escorts Moron from the bar.


The following week, Kaner’s talking about something funny that happened to his cat when he stops mid-sentence, jaw dropping comically open.  “Oh my god, I don’t believe it,” he gasps.  “It’s Doctor Do Me.”

Everyone has a gawk while Kaner spits at them.  “Jeez, not all at once.”

Doctor Do Me is at the bar, wearing an expensive suit and drinking what looks suspiciously like the plonk that passes for champagne at Hanlons.

Jonny has never hated anybody so instantly in his life.

“Someone has a crush,” Seabs sings.

“Don’t be so flippant about my future husband,” Kaner sniffs, eyes tracking every move Dr. Do One makes.  “I am so going to be the next Mr. Do Me.”

“How many have there been?” Jonny asks.

“I dunno,” Kaner says lifting his own silly umbrella drink and sipping seductively.  “Three?  Four?”

“You are so cliche,” Sharpy grins.  “The NICU nurse and the surgeon.”

“Surgeon?  Try Chief of Medicine,” Kaner scoffs.  “I just need to get him to notice me.  How do I get him to notice me?”

That’s how number three begins.

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4/15/17: Blackhawks practice (Chicago Blackhawks Playoff Update, 4/16/14)
This is how I feel about tonight’s game, too.

Dale Weise misses a check on Cedric Paquette, sending himself into the box.


Dale Weise misses a check on Cedric Paquette, sending himself into the box.


oh my gOD


oh my gOD


Robert Bortuzzo's feelings about the national anthem (x)


if anybody ever tells you that you suck, look them straight in the eyes and say “not for free”


7 hours and 27 mins till the game




when i was 14 my teacher made fun of my pimples in front of the whole class and my best friend was furious so whenever she saw the teacher she’s like “OH YOU GET NEW CRINKLES TODAY” “DID YOU LOSE WEIGHT COS APPARENTLY YOU DIDN’T” “HEY MA’AM IS THAT YOUR BUTT OR IS THAT YOUR BELLY THEY LOOK THE SAME” she got detention almost everyday even i told her to stop she still did it anyway if you dont know what golden friendship is this is


I’m sick of people wrongly defining bisexuality. It’s not ‘attraction to both men and women’ it’s about being attracted to ‘bi’ things like bicycles, binoculars, bilinguals and binary coding smh

"The Hug" is larger than life. #CBJ #BattleOn [x]

"The Hug" is larger than life. #CBJ #BattleOn [x]

Evgeni Malkin’s toughest loss this season came in Sochi. Failing to win a gold medal in his home country weighed heavily on the Russian star.  A conversation with his captain, who faced similar pressure in the past, helped reignite the former Conn Smythe winner. (x)



Idk my relationship with my siblings is always either “yo I’ll help you hide the body” or “do not even breathe in my direction” there is no in between.